i finally looked up

me after I realized life is worth living

Life got so good I forgot I was sad.

As y’all know from a couple posts ago, I was newly single. Well… now it’s not new anymore. And throughout this year, life kept moving. We met new friends, got a new job, and watered the relationships we already had.

Reflecting on life since December, I think for a while I was just putting one foot in front of the other. Scared to look up. I wasn’t running, but I definitely was not taking the scenic route either. I was trusting God while still feeling anxious about what the future held for me. Holding tight to His promises while also feeling unsure of where I would end up.

And the longer I kept my head down, the smaller my world became.

Then one day I decided to look up.

I realized I no longer felt like I needed to evacuate the city and the people I know and love because of one person. And when I finally looked up, I could see the beautiful painting God had been creating the whole time through all the little tasks He had me doing. Almost like a color by numbers mural.

I didn’t know why I kept going on those coffee chats.
I didn’t know why I started going to a new Bible study.
I didn’t know why I kept pouring into other people.

Just to realize none of it was random.

God was building a life around me while I was grieving one version of it.

And somewhere along the way, I realized I’m not sad anymore.

If you go through my blog, you’ll probably notice there are so many little subcategories of my life, all unfinished in their own way. But somehow my heart still feels full. Somehow I have nothing and everything together at the same time.

And maybe that’s what being held by God feels like.

To know that even in seasons where you feel uncertain, disconnected, or in between versions of yourself, your life is still becoming something beautiful.

I serve a good God who loves me, cares for me, and adores me.

And I adore Him too.