Love Is Brutal, and the Reminders Are Never Convenient

I am live tweeting my flight right now to New York City. It is Friday, September 12, and I am on the way to take my little sister on her official volleyball visit. #neposister.

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in a long time. Thursday gave me hope. My fall motto has been divas up 1000, because truly, the divas have been up. I just hosted the very first event for In Between Sundays, something God placed on my heart. I was terrified no one would show up. But people did. And it felt right. I feel confident on my path to law school. I found friendship in someone I never expected to matter this much.

Everything was aligning. Until it wasn’t.

Somewhere over the clouds, reading Meet Me at the Lake by Carley Fortune, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The memory of him. The man I have been trying to forget. Not out of bitterness, but because some memories are simply too heavy to keep carrying.

The love was deep. Consuming. A hurt wrapped in betrayal, softened only by the parts of it that were real for me. For so long, I could talk about him without missing him. I could reflect without longing. But suddenly, there I was, remembering the comfort of his presence, how easily I felt understood, how little I had to explain.

Why does it feel like this? Why does heartbreak return in waves, as if the heart is testing itself? Why do I wish I could call him, ask about his day, or read my book aloud, even though I know life has moved us in different directions?

And then reality sets in. The relationship was not balanced. The love I carried was not matched in the way I deserved. That part is hard to sit with, but it is true.

Writing helps me hold what is difficult. And maybe it helps you too.

If you are in the thick of heartbreak, hear me. You are not alone. There will be moments when your heart insists it makes sense to reach out or to ask what happened to us. But remember this. The Lord knew you before you were formed in the womb. He knows your heart, what makes you feel seen, what makes you feel loved. He designed you to receive love fully, and He also designed someone who is capable of giving it fully in return. You will find them.

Stay the course. Love yourself. Take your vitamins. Move your body. Read your Bible. Cry to the Lord. And one day, the emotions that once hit you like a ton of bricks, the ones that dimmed your world from color to grey, will not hold the same power.

It is now Monday. I am no longer live tweeting my spiral. I learned something new about that relationship, something I did not know before. The truth was painful, and it shifted the way I see everything that happened. What I once labeled as love feels different now. It could not have worked, and admitting that is its own kind of healing.

But here is the thing. God reveals truth in His timing. He lets us feel the ache just long enough to grow from it, then uncovers the details that remind us exactly why we were delivered. It is a quiet lesson in patience. If you wait and do not act on emotion, clarity rises to the surface.

It reminds me of when Jesus washed Peter’s feet. The meaning was not clear in the moment, but it was revealed later. That is how God works in heartbreak too.

Love is brutal. The reminders are never convenient. But healing is holy, and clarity is worth the wait.

xoxo,
Sake